A couple of years ago, probably the summer between my junior and senior year, I was seeing a therapist about some social anxiety/depression stuff I was going through because of some stuff from the spring. At the time I had been working at Circuit City.
One day he was asking me about my job and I was telling him how I go up to people and ask them if they need help, what can I get, etc, and that I enjoyed this, and was moderately good at it, while when it came to social settings and going up to someone and talking I couldn’t do it that well. He asked what made the difference between the two and I’m pretty sure my response was “…it’s my job.” But that wasn’t really the best answer.
Looking back, I have a better answer. With me working there, it’s expected, and the situation is somewhat controlled. I’m an employee, they’re a customer presumably looking for something. This being the case I’m being paid to help them so it’s easier to go up and inquire. In a social setting the things aren’t quite as controlled, not to mention if it’s the opposite sex and there’s the ‘coming onto me’ bit.
All that being said I think that’s why I can be outgoing in a job and not socially- it’s controlled, and expected. The customer and I both know where we’re coming from and whatnot. Socially, it’s not so defined. A lack of definition, not to mention the fear of uncertainty, really bothers me for some reason. I’m still trying to delve into my personal self/memories and try to find out why that is, but to no avail as of yet.
As for why I’m up….My roommate is talking to his girlfriend on the phone. Loudly. And I have a 9:30 class. Fml. (Fuck my life).
On the up side, I enjoyed the snow days. Well more the night before the snow day. But I’ll take what I can get.
-Ch
