Chris' Cognition Ignition

Updates

anubis839 — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:38:32 +0000

Sike.

Just a picture.

It’s been a long week.

Little of this, a little of that.

anubis839 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 02:38:03 +0000

Our first tangent will be this photo blog I’m pretty fond of. He seems to just roam the streets (I believe he’s in the UK somewhere) and takes pictures of things he finds intriguing and such. I really like his style of taking pictures of ordinary things, such as doors, and making it look interesting. Photography has always been something of an admiration of mine, but I feel I don’t have the eye (or equipment) to take ‘good’ pictures. So seeing another’s shall suffice.

I also just read Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol. I like Dan Brown’s style because it’s pretty fast paced, semi(or quasi)scientific, high-tech, and there’s normally a twist, which in itself isn’t surprising, but the character’s motives and backstories are always interesting. Anyways, if you like fast paced novels, and don’t mind just going along with it, check it out.

Finally, here’s a picture I like. No witty comments or anything, just a picture to look at. Enjoy the simplicity.

This semester is going to be a change.

anubis839 — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:03:59 +0000

So this semester is evidently when classes begin to get actually challenging for my major. Last year I was able to get by pretty well by paying attention and whatnot and just retaining what I heard, which I do pretty well. That’s not going to work for this semester, or year, or whenever, anymore; at least that’s what it seems like.

Physics 208 is just a hard class to grasp conceptually, being electrical charges and whatnot, on the atomic scale. It’s not exactly my cup of tea and the first two quiz grades have shown that- a 56 and a 50, respectively (as if there’s any respect in those grades). Calculus 2 (Math 201) is also a pain, but that’s a lot more to due with a lack of effort put forth and whatnot, which is rapidly going to change.

On the positive side, outside of those two, I feel like Engl 200, Statics, and Material Science will be…I don’t want to say ‘easy enough,’ but doable, without as much work. I really want to do well this semester.

I was doing some homework in the engineering computer lab the other day and I ran into an upperclassman friend of mine that I worked on a design project with. After talking a bit about classes and whatnot, I asked him how he managed to pass this class (referring to Physics 208). He said something that isn’t new, but for some reason struck a chord with me- “Well, it comes down to how much you want it, man. If you really want it, you’ll study and find a way.”

I’ve bought flashcards galore and intend on preempting this soon to be disaster.

An intense dream.

anubis839 — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 14:56:21 +0000

I normally don’t remember my dreams but recently I have been.
They were kinda odd but nothing with like a plot or anything until last night

So the setting was my neighborhood, kind of. I lived in my house and the surrounding neighborhood was about the same, but it was either some post-apocalyptic place or just hard times because my family was trying to find something to sell to make some extra money. Maybe we were treasure hunters? I don’t know.

Anyways. Somehow my mom comes across this expensive and old looking amulet type thing. It’s weird how detailed it was, I even remember in my dream talking about it. It had a long gold chain and the amulet was jade and some blue stone set into the gold with clear looking quartz or something. Somehow we knew about a guy who bought and sold stuff so we went to see him, which he did in his basement. We go down and start haggling with him over the price of the thing, I wanna say that he was offering 3 million (dollars? i dunno) and we wanted 6, but he eventually caved and sold it. Meanwhile I’d been browsing around his store looking at odd pieces of clothing and old weapons and stuff and even went into a closet and almost knocked over a bunch of stuff when someone called my name.

So we sell it and head back home. As soon as we get out of the car in my driveway we hear tires squealing and look down the street and see a buff mercenary looking guy getting out of a SUV. My mom does something I don’t really remember what but I jumped onto my trashcan and over our 6′ privacy fence and start hauling ass. Apparently he’d brought a girl with him too because he sent her to chase me.

The next part is kind of hazy but I just remember scrambling through backyards and hiopping fences and stuff looking for a place to hide or something. When i was getting over one fence i saw the woman on the other side and she was raising her gun towards me but i got off the fence before she fired.

I kept hopping fences and going through backyards, all the while I remember thinking about how fast my heart was racing and how tired I was but I had to keep going otherwise she’d catch up.

Eventually I made it to a rancher style house and the screen door was open so I went inside and hid in the first room I came into. There was a middle aged woman sitting in a recliner doing something innocuous like knitting. Somehow the woman chasing me figured I’d went into this house and was knocking on the door toying with me. The old woman answered the door and when she did the other woman was looking around I guess but she saw that she had a gun, so the old woman shot her and then dropped the gun on the ground and went back to knitting.

Wtf is up with this dream. It was intense.

Sporadic, at best

anubis839 — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 23:53:06 +0000

The title kind of describes a lot of things in my life. Mostly relevant here is when I decide to post something.

Anyways, school’s started once again and I think that this year is going to be harder than the last. The workload seems like its going to be a lot more time consuming and the material will be harder to grasp, but I’m sure I’ll be fine scholastically. The biggest change this semester is that I’m a commuter now instead of living on campus or nearby, but it’s not really a big deal because I’m used to waking up early, and saying that waking up at 7:45 when I have class at 9:30 isn’t a big deal for me.

Outside of that nothing has really changed. I’ve been working out all summer, and my friends say they see a bit of a difference but its not that noticeable, especially if you’ve just met me, I don’t look big at all. But I don’t really want to look big, nor do I think my body type would really ever look ‘big’. I like working out and I hope that I get to the point where I like what I see in the mirror at some point, but as of now I don’t.

Maybe I’ll keep post here on a semi regular basis, we’ll see. In the meantime this is a picture I took over the sumer that I like for some reason.

reasons for lack of social life?

anubis839 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 01:55:12 +0000

I’ve been working with my dad recently doing homeprojects and whatnot, and I see a lot of myself in him, but not in a good way. The way he reacts to anger and such is very similar. But he just doesn’t seem happy with his life and he doesn’t have any friends, which scares me for my future because I think I’m a lot like him.

I see pictures of my friends and stuff on Facebook going to lots of parties and whatnot and I just don’t understand how that works to be honest. It’s actually annoying. Do people invite you to those things? Word of mouth? Asking around? However it happens, I’ve never been the kind of guy to be invited to a lot of parties. I’m not really sure how that’s relevant but it falls back to how I hate that something about me says “I don’t want to go to a party and have fun” or something along those lines.

Hell, even some of my best friends haven’t really talked to me all summer.

I try to think that it’s them, you know, something out of my control, but due to the fact that it’s like that with basically of my friends and some of them do do things with people a lot, I’m more inclined to think its some sort of vibe I put out.

I really don’t know. It annoys me. I don’t want to be crazy and partying every night or anything like that, but I want to have some sort of active social life, but I just don’t.

I guess I just keep hoping that it’ll change, the main one being that when I turn 21 I can just go to bars or something, but I doubt that’ll happen. Truth be told, I’m just waiting for something happen. And maybe that in itself is the wrong attitude, but I don’t know what to do to make it happen otherwise.

But still, I’m trying to be optimistic. Shit happens, and you just gotta go with it. Be happy and look at the clouds.

First post in a while…time to vent.

anubis839 — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 22:07:27 +0000

       It’s been a pretty upsetting week for me. Last weekend my ex-girlfriend (my first long term girlfriend) and I were talking about why our relationship had ended (we broke up a few months ago). I was saying how I thought that it was mostly my fault for some of the things I did. After a little bit of that, she said that it was probably more her fault and she had a lot of apologizing to do.
       After inquiring further, it turns out she cheated on me 3 times (that’s all she admits to at least..) throughout the time we dated and the first two were before we even started fighting in the fall. I can’t describe how I felt, but here’s an attempt- hurt, betrayed, angry, furious, depressed, upset, and confused.
       After the intial anger stage I went through a downward spiral and started wondering what about me caused all of this happen and why I wasn’t good enough. This, coupled with the fact that I’m not good at meeting women and I have shitty self-esteem, led to a pretty rough couple of nights. I was so focused on how much it hurt and how bad I am at meeting women I didn’t think about how much it was her fault.
       She’d cheated on a previous boyfriend, but told me before we dated that she always regretted it, and was sincerely sorry for it and would never do it again. HA. The proverb ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ is definitely true. It would take powerful evidence to convince me otherwise.

But I’m getting over it. I still think about it and how I feel about it, but I’m trying to focus on the future. I’m not going to be ‘fixing problems’ with me, I’m more of creating the person I want to be. Or at the very least the kind of relationship I want. I’m sure I’ll find a new girl who treats me right and is better and more deserving than her.

I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to completely get over it, but I’m confident I will. It’s just a matter of time.

Chris

Memories

anubis839 — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:32:32 +0000

I don’t know if this is relevant or not, but I think it’s worth noting.

When I think of my past, such as highschool, some other school, or whatever else. The first thing that jumps out are the bad memories (gramatical sidenote- should it be ‘are’ or ‘is’? I feel like the subject is thing, so the verb should be ‘is’, but in this context with memories being plural ‘are’ sounds right…but inituition can be wrong).

That’s about it.
Last days of my freshmen year of college.

Beginning of some other year.

Why do I react like this?

anubis839 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:59:02 +0000

When something happens that I don’t like, my first instinct or reaction is to be angry. Like as soon as I read the thing, or do whatever it was, and I don’t like it, I’ll most likely get mad about it. Mad as in I just start thinking about it over and over and have the desire to just hit things. For some reason that’s my gut reaction. Why? Why am I so fucked up like this? It really does bother me.

I hate how my reaction to things like that are either anger or sadness, or one then the other.
I just hope this whole college thing will change and mold me into something I want to be.

I’d really enjoy not hating what I see in the mirror everyday or constantly putting myself down or hating myself.

Hopefully such a dream is attainable..

Long time no see, er…

anubis839 — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:41:02 +0000

You know what I mean.

I’ve somewhat abadoned this blog becuase no one sees it and I’m dont with using it as a vent as of now.
In addition to that I’ve been busy with school shit and whatnot, and trying to not get depressed about things; for some reason I’m not very resilient to that.

Be that as it may, I do find myself being restless a lot. When just around my dorm or whatever I get the feeling like I should be doing something that I’m not, but this is nothing new.

No matter, no one reads this jank anyways.

If you do, surprise me and leave a comment. I may keep it more up to date then.